Who Ate All The Bratwurst

The Passion Of The Sven?

In his last two (losing) clashes with Big Phil, Sven was criticised for not showing enough passion on the sidelines.

Maybe the inanimate Swede should follow the fine example set by minor league baseball coach Joe Mikulik, whose refusal to go quietly has made him infamous here in America.

Daryl Grove

10 things USA learned in June 2006

While a first round exit shouldn't really be such a surprise for USA fans, the media have spent the past week cannibalizing the team and coach.

In most countries this would be a bad thing, but stateside soccer lovers know that the team being "Monday morning quarterbacked" is a sign of progress.

So, after a weeks analysis, here are 10 things the USA learned in June 2006:

1. The quarter final appearance in 2002 really was extraordinary

2. America needs to tap into that ethnic minority talent.

3. Tactics from 2002 don't work in 2006

4. DaMarcus Beasley isn't the same player since his injury.

5. Clint Dempsey can dance.

6. World Cup matches aren't decided by GDP.

7. Landon Donovan is alright, but he's not Maradona.

8. The Freddy Adu era begins now (or at least soon).

9. Kasey Keller, though damn decent, is not "the best goalkeeper in the world" as one US commentator told a trusting public.

10. USA are not the fifth best team in the world.

Daryl Grove

The future of soccer...

There's a lot at stake for USA today. Not just a place in the second round, but the future of soccer in America.

Think I'm being too dramatic? You're probably right, but what the US does against Ghana will affect future interest in the game.

The USA-Italy game was a televisual success for ABC. All the stars were aligned. It was a Saturday afternoon kick off (weekday games are on during work hours), it was on ABC (most games are on cable/satelite only) and drew fairly big ratings. A 5.2 was the initial figure, not exactly "American Idol" but very respectable.

There was plenty of violence (the image of McBride bleeding may become the equivelant of Terry Butcher) and the USA played fairly well and got a result. As a result a number of people who caught the game out of curiosity are now interested to see how this story finishes, and will pay attention to today's result.

Another impressive performance (and especially a second round meeting with Brazil) may win some more long term fans, a bad performance and it's back to baseball.

Daryl Grove

USA: The New Holland

Not because they play a beautiful brand of flowing football, but because they may be about to publicly implode. After the disaster that was Czech Republic 3-0 USA, manager Bruce Arena and out of form PSV winger DaMarcus Beasley have had a bit of a domestic.

Immediately after Monday's ill-fated game, Arena embarrassed his player in public when he told the assembled press “we got nothing out of Beasley today.”

Beasley responded by saying “I was back there defending the whole time, I don’t know what [Arena] wants me to do… I was always defending the whole time. That’s how the game went. Next time I will leave the guy and play as a striker instead of a midfielder and then we'll see what happens."

To which Arena replied (in a second press conference) “If he’s any kind of player, and a man, he understands that [we got nothing out of him]. If he doesn’t then he’s not going to be able to help us in games two or three either.”

It may not look like "Eastenders" to you, but for a team basing it's whole World Cup on team spirit and work ethic it's as bad as that Christmas Mike Reid accidentally ran over Martine McCutcheon.

Daryl Grove

Watching the World Cup on ESPN

Everyone reading WaatB? in England, you have no idea how lucky you are. Gary Lineker may be smug, and Ian Wright may get crazier with every passing England international, but BBC is still the best place to watch a World Cup (on telly at least). Even ITV, for all its faults, could be worse. How do I know? Because here in America, I've been watching the action on ESPN.

If you think you might be taking the big eared crisp salesman and the Scot with the nasty facial scar for granted, then read these 8 inhumanely cruel things about watching the World Cup on ESPN.

1.  "And it’s mission accomplished for France!" shouted ESPN commentator Glenn Davis as the final whistle blew on France's goalless draw with Switzerland.

2. On screen graphics. On ESPN 2 (also home of dog shows, ultimate frisbee and other "specialty" sports) a news ticker adorns the bottom of the screen, always moving, always showing last night's baseball scores. At the top there's a massive thick banner with 'ESPN', the score, and the advertiser du jour. In medium close ups this thing covers players eyes, making them look like Zorro.

3. Just when you're learning to live with the two big black banners, square black "information boxes" appear, and the screen is split 60-40 between action and graphics. They're like the evil cousin of internet pop-ups, because you can't click 'x' to make them go away.

4. "Germany retains possession." Sounds fine out of context, but now imagine it during England vs Paraguay. Exactly. Former baseball commentator Dave O'Brien is becoming an Owen Hargreaves style cult figure among knowledgable American World Cup watchers.

5. "David Beckham, who is of course married to Victoria 'Posh' Adams." Nearly. Dave O'Brien again.

6. "Paraguay captain Delio Toledo called Michael Beckham a coward this week." Not to be confused with David Owen, obviously. Guess who said this. Yep, him again.

7. No significant pre/post match. The program usually starts just before kick off, and ends just after. To make room for ultimate frisbee.

8. A frustrating alternative exists. Mexican channel Univision offers a cleaner screen, a crisper picture, pre-match build up, and presumably better commentary. I can't tell because it's in Spanish.

Daryl Grove

32 nations enter the tournament, but only one will move on...

Wondering why America seems underinformed when it comes to the World Cup? Click on the image of Jon Stewart to see his World Cup preview.

Actually, Stewart is one of the good guys. Before hosting his insanely popular "The Daily Show", Stewart played college soccer, which is basically one step away from being professional.

This clip is part of a regular segment in which John Hodgman gives his "Resident Expert" opinion on more or less anything. Worth watching, and proof once and for all that even if Americans (on the whole) don't get football, they do get irony.

In a similar vein is this clip from "The Colbert Report" (pronounced Col-bear Re-por). The show is a spoof of hyper-patriotic right-wing US television personalities, so think of Colbert like a more confident, more conservative, more steadily employed Alan Partridge. Click on the image of Colbert for his right-wing World Cup preview.

Daryl Grove

The Americans who could be playing for your team next season

Slowly but surely, Americans are infiltrating the Premiership (or Prem-ear-ship as they would have it). The likes of Brian McBride, Carlos Bocanegra and approximately 1,000 goalkeepers have played without disgracing themselves in the top flight. Reading's Marcus Hanhnemann and Bobby Convey and Watford's Jay DeMerit will swell the ranks next year, as will defender Cory Gibbs (pictured) if and when his Charlton work permit comes through. But what about the players you've never heard of? Here's a quick print out and keep (or not) guide to the Americans who could be playing for your team next season:

Oguchi Onyewu - The 24 year old 6'4" defender is tailor made for Premiership football. He's monstrously big, fast and strong, but more than decent with the ball at his feet (definitely more Rio Ferdinand than Tony Adams in this respect) and his positioning and concentration are sound (definitely more Tony Adams than Rio Ferdinand in this respect). Onyewu already plays in Europe with Standard de Liege but a move to the Prem has long been suggested. Most recently, Middlesbrough were rumoured to be negotiating with the big man.

Eddie Johnson - After a ridiculous start to his international career, in which he couldn't stop scoring, Eddie Johnson got injured. On his return from a long lay off the scoring touch deserted him, but he's been slowly coming back into form over the last few games, capped by an impressive (though non scoring) performance in the US's final warm up game against Latvia. Blessed with all the physical weapons needed for the Premiership, the 22 year old known as GAM (Grown Ass Man) has height, strength, aerial ability, as well as the speed and skills to run at defenders. The downside is that he sometimes looks unmotivated. Not lazy like Mark Viduke, but mild mannered in an Emile Heskey kind of way. If Johnson does play in England, someone at The Times is in for a shock.

Landon Donovan -  The poster boy for American soccer struggled to adapt to life in Germany, and failed to settle in two stints at Bayer Leverkusen. The language barrier was a big problem, but obviously wouldn't be in England (until, inevitably, he gets pants and trouse rs confused). The playmaker is only slight but is great on the ball, making aggressive runs, clever passes and possessing a decent shot. Claims to be happy in MLS but a 24 year old with this much talent shouldn't be wasting his time with things like play-offs, and if a Premiership team don't fancy him then Donovan would absolutely dominate the Championship.

Clint Dempsey - Maybe not a complete enough player to shine in the Premiership just yet, but 23 year old Dempsey has an amazing unpredictability about him. From a central or wide midfield position (will probably play right mid at the World Cup) Dempsey is always more likely to take on his man than make the easy pass. Also has that quality that Paul Scholes used to have, making well-timed late runs into the box to get goals, though his imaginative celebrations are a lot more exciting than Scholes' efforts. Definitely aggressive, maybe a litte too much. He was suspended by his club New England Revolution in March (and brifely excluded from the national team) for fighting with his team captain Joey Franchino. To be fair to Dempsey he didn't mess about, giving the older man such a beating he spent the next few nights in hospital. Imagine what he'd do to Lee Bowyer?

Daryl Grove

America Literally Wakes Up To Soccer (just for one day though)

When the USA team left for Japorea 2002, no one noticed. This year the American media have at least made an effort, though it wouldn't be enough to trouble Phil Scolari. Click on the image to see footage of the team on "Good Morning America" (like GMTV, though mercifully Eamon Holmes free).

The GMA weatherman bravely goes in goal and lets the team take him on. Most of the players have no trouble scoring, (Oguchi Onyewu's size is enough to make said weatherman vacate the goal) but Marcus Hahnemann's shot screams "goalkeeper," and forward Brian Ching should hang his head after a miserable attempt.

Daryl Grove

Trust No One

Someone at The Times Online deserves a P45. The guy on the left is USA's Eddie Johnson, a 22 year old striker who looks to be hitting form at just the right time.

Now you know what he looks like, click here to see what The Times Online think he looks like, in their World Cup squad profiles page.

Further reading reveals more errors. They describe 6'4" defender Oguchi Onyewu as "elegant," which I can assure you he isn't, and I definitely wouldn't call him that to his face. Clint Dempsey won't be pleased to learn that "his main role is to break up the play rather than to be the creative spark," as he's never done a decent days defensive work in his life (he's all about getting forward), while proper defensive midfielder Ben Olsen will be surprised to hear that "he is capable of playing on either flank for his country."

Makes you wonder how trust-worthy some of these World Cup squad profiles really are, and how many of them were done by the lad on work experience.

Daryl Grove

Team USA's New York Times photo shoot: what were they thinking?

Part of soccer's problem in the US is that it's not judged to be as 'manly' as NFL or NHL. So why the 2002 squad did a metrosexual photo shoot for the New York Times will forever be a mystery.

This shot of Landon  Donovan suggestively (?) drinking from a water fountain is pretty bad, but at least he has the excuse of being a creative type. Those brave enough to click continue will see Pablo Mastroeni in a pose that severely undermines his reputation as a midfield hardman.

The caption in the New York Times reads: "Pablo Mastroeni plays defense but not in his Roberto Cavalli turquoise-studded shirt, $1,138, and linen pants, $350."

For a slideshow of the USA's 2002 squad in a variety of undignified poses, click here.

Daryl Grove

10 signs that America will pay attention to the World Cup

The BBC sent a reporter to an MLS game recently, to gage American interest in some upcoming footy tournament or other. The alliterative headline "World Cup fails to fan US football fever" suggests that soccer is still struggling stateside, but the truth is a little more encouraging. It's not there yet, but the slow, steady progress of the beautiful game is tangible. So, I give you "10 signs that America will pay attention to the World Cup."

1. When coach Bruce Arena announced his 23, it was live on ESPN SportCenter (like Sky Sports News, only with a lot less cricket and a lot more baseball).


2. Double your media. The US training camp in Cary, North Carolina was visited by approximately twice as many journos as in 2002.


3. George Bush officially acknowledged the existence of soccer recently. Still no word on global warming though.


4. ABC/ESPN. For all their faults the networks are showing every game live, and in High Definition where available. So, when Rooney re-breaks his metatarsal Americans will see it with 100% clarity


5. Commercials. There's the great Gatorade Take Me Out To The Ball Game commercial currently in heavy rotation, and no lesser celebrity than Bono is pimping soccer for ESPN with the One Game Changes Everything campaign.


6. Freddy Adu. Quite a few people will tune in to see Freddy play. They will be disappointed of course.


7. Euro-snobs. These are the people that won't be seen dead at an MLS game, not until the standard is comparable to European leagues. They will watch the World Cup though.


8. Sam's Army. Dedicated supporters. So dedicated that even I think they're a bit odd.


9. Landon Donovan. He's been the 'face of US soccer' for a while, but going into the World Cup he's become a 'spokesmodel' for the World Cup in general, appearing on various talk shows and promoting the game.


10. Flag-waving. If there's one thing America does well, it's mindless patriotism. You can't walk down the street without seeing stars, stripes, spangled banners and 'support our troops', so once the pressure is on the US team, the flag-wavers will emerge and support their country regardless of what sport they're playing.

Daryl Grove

Team Guide: USA

The USA team deserves your sympathy. Ignored at home by a soccer-resistant population and hated abroad for George Bush's foreign policy, this is a team caught between a rock and a hard place. And to make things worse they've been drawn into Group E, so put down those anti-war placards and say "howdy" to team USA.

USA, Group E

12 June vs Czech Republic (5pm*, Gelsenkirchen)
17 June vs Italy (8pm, Kaiserslauten)
22 June vs Ghana (3pm, Nuremberg)
*all times BST

World Ranking 5 (no, seriously)

How They Qualified
Panama, Guatemala and the rest of CONCACAF don't scare many, and these easyish games are part of the reason for the artificially high FIFA rankings enjoyed by the US (5) and Mexico (4). But you can only beat what's in front of you and the US topped the group courtesy of a famous 2-0 win over Mexico.

World Cup History
Semi-finalists at the inaugural 1930 World Cup, this is a nation that peaked early. An unexpected 1-0 win over England in 1950, was followed by 40 years in the World Cup wilderness. Italia '90 brought three straight defeats but an inspired performance as hosts saw them through to the second round in 1994, before a return to losing ways at France '98 (featuring coach Steve Sampson's infamous 3-6-1 formation.) Sampson was duly replaced by Bruce Arena, who led a young team to the quarter finals in Japorea 2002.

Star Man

Landon Donovan will wear 21 but he's very much a number 10. Slight but skillful, the Los Angeles Galaxy star will play as either a second striker or attacking midfielder, and the US will rely on their 'all time assist leader' to unpick opposition defences (or dee-fenses). Donovan will also have a point to prove to the Germans, after two frustrating spells at Bayer Leverkusen.

Here's what Bruce Arena had to say about his playmaker: “Four years ago he was just an excited player going to a World Cup. This time around he’s one of those players that realises the challenge of the World Cup and the responsibility he has now as a more senior player on our team, and we’ll see if we can get performances from him game in game out for 90 minutes.”

Strengths
Arena has earned total devotion from his players, and they follow his carefully thought out game-plans to the letter. With a top keeper in Kasey Keller, and a solid group of defenders (particularly Standard Liege's gigantic Oguchi Onyewu) they won't be easy to break down. A high tempo, high pressure counter-attacking strategy should utilise the talents of PSV winger DaMarcus Beasley and playmaker Landon Donovan.

Weaknesses
Will rely heavily on Brian McBride up front, but the Fulham forward will turn 34 during the tournament. Brian Ching and Josh Wolff are unconvincing replacements, while Eddie Johnson's 9 goals in 15 appearances have all come against CONCACAF cannon fodder. One important mental aspect: the USA have never had a good European based World Cup.

Did you know?
The first ever World Cup hat-trick was scored by American Bert Patenaude in 1930.

Odds 66-1 Blue Sq

Verdict
If Italy or the Czech Republic fail to take them seriously, the USA could make it out of Group E. Equally, the Americans should be careful not to focus too much on the big boys and underestimate the Ghanaians. With a well organised defence but a lack of firepower, it's entirely possible for this team to draw all three games and just miss out.

Daryl Grove

It's like the Superbowl of European soccer...

I've been using the Champion's League Final as a sort of yardstick for predicting how the World Cup will be received in the US. Here's what I found:

1. Some people don't care.


2. Some people do care, especially if you play up the Henry v Ronaldinho aspect.


3. Some people (actually just one person) got confused and thought it was the FA Cup Final.


4. Some people were keen, until they found out it kicked off at 2:30 p.m. in the afternoon over here.


5. Some people thought it would be repeated by ESPN2 during the 8 p.m. 'primetime' slot.


6. These people were wrong, ESPN2 were showing Iska Strikeforce Thai Boxing instead.


7. The game was repeated at 12:30 a.m. Too late for some.


8. And was followed by more Thai Boxing. How much Thai Boxing can one nation watch?


9. ESPN2 is the home of 'specialty' sports.


10. The US broadcast of the World Cup is not in safe hands.

Horror Hair: Kasey Keller (The Passage Of Time)

There's nothing funny about male pattern baldness. Unless, of course, you can watch it happen before your very eyes.

FoxSoccer.com has a career gallery of Kasey Keller where you can watch the US keeper go from convincing Millwall mullet to desperate Captain Picard in seventeen agonizing steps.

Intriguingly, Keller seems to have reverse-Samson syndrome. The more hair disappears down the plug-hole, the better his goalkeeping becomes.

Daryl Grove

Bud Out Campaign

Not too happy that the official beer for a World Cup based in Germany is watery American wee-wee? Then send a photo to the committed folks at Bud Out and join their anti-wee-wee pressure group.

It probably won't make a difference, but the Bud Out folks are determined to go down fighting. As they quite rightly ask: "What are our children supposed to think of us?"

Daryl Grove

US Team Tortured By Doctors

Remember that scene in Gattaca where Ethan Hawke has to run on a treadmill until he nearly dies? Well, that's pretty much what the US squad went through this weekend as part of their extensive World Cup medical exam. Also included were blood samples, vision tests and, perhaps unnecessarily, a dental exam (Jimmy Conrad, pictured).

Maybe there's a secret plan for the US to bite their way past Italy and the Czech Republic? To listen to the players complain about being "picked and poked at" at 6:30 a.m. on a Saturday morning, click here.

Daryl Grove

Kasey Keller: Confident Fella

US no.1 Kasey Keller has his own blog on the CBS website. Say what you like about the smooth headed shot stopper, but he's not lacking in confidence. How about these for quotes:

"The bulk of the twenty-three man team will assemble in North Carolina on May 10. The first choice goalie - that's me - is arriving fashionably late, however."

The World Cup is "the international event I mentioned earlier featuring yours truly and the rest of the world's greatest footballing talent."

And my personal favourite: "As a veteran, I don't need to impress anyone."

Daryl Grove

Take Me Out To The Ball Game

New WAATB? blogger Daryl here, reporting for duty with my first Post From America. Originally from the sunny West Midlands, I now reside across the Atlantic in even sunnier Virginia. On the downside they have the death penalty here so, you know, swings and roundabouts.

Assuming I'm not executed by the state between now and July I’ll be keeping you abreast of what’s going on with our NFL loving cousins and the crazy game I still refuse to call ‘soccer’.

Good news is that someone over here has done their homework and figured out how to get your average baseball lover behind the US national team. This commercial from Gatorade (like Lucozade without the fizz) not only features the famous 'Take Me Out To The Ball Game' song, but by showing an unwelcome US team's triumphs on various foreign soils successfully appeals to the innate sense of patriotism that all Americans are injected with at birth.

Daryl Grove