Who Ate All The Bratwurst

5 Conclusions: Germany v Sweden

1 If Sweden had played that poorly against England I think we would have beaten them comfortably.

2 A German football team brimming with confidence is a worrying sight.

3 Referee Carlos Simon put in a terrible performance. There is no way he was going to send Lucic off before the Germans intervened, and then to show him the red card with that big grin on his face was very unprofessional.

4 If there was anyone you could rely on to keep a cool head and put that penalty away, I would have thought it was Henrik Larsson. Obviously not.

5 Zlatan Ibrahimovic has given a poor account of himself in this tournament. I expected him to announce himself on the world stage at Germany 2006, but he has looked totally out of sorts.

Rob Parker

Bratwurst awards ceremony for the World Cup losers

Just like the headteacher at a failing school's awards evening, here at Bratwurst we want to make sure that nobody goes home empty handed. This is our awards ceremony full of token prizes for those teams whose World Cup dream is now over after first round elimination.

Join us in this celebration of mediocrity and allow me to hand you over to our host with most: Mr Mick McCarthy.

The Award for having most players in the second round without qualifying
And the winner is: Poland
The Poles may be out, but Lukas Podolski and Miroslav Klose are still flying the flag (the German flag though).

The Award for best Premiership blast from the past
And the winner is: Paulo Wanchope (Costa Rica)
The gangly forward is reportedly angling for a return too.

The Award for talking a good game
And the winner is: Paraguay
They were all mouth before the tournament and didn't deliver.

The Award for outstanding effort
And the winner is: Trinidad and Tobago
Nobody expect anything other than three heavy defeats for T&T and they proved everyone wrong.

The Award for being the best team not to qualify for the second round
And the winner is: Ivory Coast
Gave an excellent account of themselves, but the Group of Death was a bit too deadly for them.

The Award for messiest World Cup divorce
And the winner is: Serbia & Montenegro
S&M will go their separate ways now. Not sure who gets the kids.

The Award for worst World Cup haircut
And the winner is: Loco (Angola)
No need for any comment here.

The Award for the participating country most likely to get bombed by America
And the winner is: Iran
Unless George Dubya has been wooed by their carpet pennants.

The Award for furthest distance travelled downhill after an opening match
And the winner is: Czech Republic
So full of promise after whipping the USA, but it all ended in tears.

The Award for the coach with the more plausible name for a World Cup venue
And the winner is: Bruce Arena (USA)
"Welcome to the Bruce Arena in Frankfurt for today's game between..."

The Award for most referees eliminated from the World Cup
And the winner is: Croatia
With a little help from Mr Poll himself, of course!

The Award for giving Brazil a scare before getting thrashed
And the winner is: Japan
You can never keep Ronaldo down. Weebles wobble but they don't fall down.

The Award for most French hearts put in mouths
And the winner is: South Korea
They nearly sneaked through after that late equaliser against Les Bleus.

The Pierre van Hooijdonk Award for most strikes threatened
And the winner is: Togo
If only they had spent as much time on the training ground as they had at the negotiation table.

The Award for packing midfield and not scoring enough goals
And the winner is: Tunisia
Couldn't change their system even when they needed a win against Ukraine.

The Award for most surnames in a squad beginning with 'Al'
And the winner is: Saudi Arabia
No fewer than 12 of the Saudi squad were Al something.

Rob Parker

Sven admits he should have cut out Sweden's near post corners

Football pundits around the world owe David Beckham an apology this morning after Sven Goran Eriksson admitted that he was responsible for clearing near post corners. During the England v Sweden match it appeared that Beckham's poor positioning on corners had created Sweden's opening goal and almost led to another.

However, it now seems that in fact Sven should have been watching for flick-ons at the near post. He told the BBC: "We conceded two bad goals and, if you want to find who is to blame, blame me please." [Via the BBC]

Rob Parker

10 Conclusions: Sweden v England

1 Bright side first: England topped its group (haven't done that since 1982) and of all the teams that will qualify for the last 16, Ecuador is about as weak an opponent as England could have hoped for.
2 What a goal by Joe Cole! I would say that though – I had him to score the first goal at 12-1. Get in!
3 Sven's decision to take two fit strikers to Germany looks like a gamble gone badly wrong. Why no Walcott yet?
4 Owen Hargreaves did OK, no more. Decent first half, put himself about. Not so hot in the second half though; I still think Michael Carrick would give us more quality. And Frank Lampard went missing in the second half too. Thank God for the cavalry: aka Gerrard.
5 Wayne Rooney's teenage strop after he was substituted reminded me of Harry Enfield's sulky teenager Kevin (pictured): 'I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!'

10 Conclusions: Sweden v England cont…

6 The Gerrard/Lampard axis is not England's problem – the problem is David Beckham. How I wished Sven would take him off and bring on Aaron Lennon. Lampard usually has two quick wingers to pass to (Robben and Joe Cole/Damien Duff) – for England he just has one (Joe Cole), due to the fact that Beckham never gets anywhere near the byline. All our decent attacking play naturally comes down the left: too predictable.

7 On the subject of Beckham, he's a crap captain, with the motivational skills of David Brent. Steven Gerrard should be our captain – the 2005 Champions League final and 2006 FA Cup final proved that beyond doubt.

8 Freddie Ljungberg = moaning, slapheaded diva.

9 Just as well Zlatan Ibrahimovic was injured, or we may well have lost tonight.

10 England won't win the World Cup. Of that I am 100% sure.

Michael Owen has a bit of a dig at Peter Crouch

Michael Owen has dropped a not-so-subtle hint that he would like Peter Crouch to remain on the subs' bench beyond tomorrow's match with Sweden. Owen told the BBC: 'You would have thought there won't be so many long balls with Wayne back. We might keep it on the deck a bit more. If we're playing well, I will look as good as ever. I'm as sharp as ever.' Claws away, Michael.

Rob Parker

5 Conclusions: Sweden vs Paraguay

1 Sweden are nothing to fear. The Swedes lacked a cutting-edge up front, again, and only a late goal from Freddie could spare their blushes.

2 Paraguay, when viewed with unbiased eyes (ie, not whilst they're playing England) are not a bad little team.

3 Sweden seem to have the most attractive fans (see picture).

4 Bobadilla, the Paraguay goalkeeper, may well find himself on some Premiership clubs' shopping lists after his cracking performance.

5 Trinidad could still go through if Sweden are beaten by England and T&T beats Paraguay. Surely every neutral wants that?

Mof Gimmers

5 Conclusions: England vs Trinidad and Tobago

1 Results are more important than performances ;o)

2 If 90 per cent of England fans were managing the side Peter Crouch would not have been on the pitch to score that goal.

3 If the match was on the BBC John Motson would not have been whoring his website while the England goalkeeper was clearing the ball under difficult circumstances. Clive Tyldesley was.

4 England might have lost without John Terry. He cleared up everything (not to mention the goal-line clearance).

5 As if Peter Crouch wasn't becoming a cult hero already, his goal has secured his status (shame he didn't score on 43 minutes like he should have!).

Rob Parker

Wayne Rooney is passed fit for Trinidad & Tobago!

The BBC reports that Wayne Rooney has been passed fit to play against Trinidad and Tobago today. Nervy FA officials flew in independent medical experts Angus Wallace and Chris Moran to cover their backs if Rooney was to get injured again. Wallace and Moran have declared Rooney fit to play and he will now be available to Eriksson. Result! [Via BBC]

Rob Parker

Download a Peter Crouch mask to cheer on England

It is unfortunate enough that Peter Crouch was born with the face he was, but now the BBC is encouraging England fans to don Crouch's face as they support England in the World Cup. You can download a Peter Crouch mask by clicking here. I am envisaging drunken robotics aplenty!

Rob Parker

Germany 2006: Day 7 preview & predictions

Day 7 sees the return of England and its Group B buddies. Oh, the heat, I'm melting! etc etc.

2pm Ecuador v Costa Rica, Group A, Hamburg (ITV)
5pm England v Trinidad & Tobago, Group B, Nuremberg (ITV)
8pm Sweden v Paraguay, Group B, Berlin (ITV)

Click below to read the full preview & predictions…

Germany 2006: Day 7 preview & predictions cont…

2pm Ecuador v Costa Rica, Group A, Hamburg (ITV)

There's always an underdog or two that makes it through to the knockout stages and this year that underdog is Ecuador. They're sitting pretty after Poland's loss to Germany last night and a draw should be enough to see them through to the second round. Costa Rica's defence was terrible in its opener, against the Germans, but Paolo Wanchope showed he still has a taste for the big stage. This will be close.
Player cam: 'Wanchope the Unpredictable' is always worth watching.
Prediction: Ecuador 1 – 1 Costa Rica

* * * * *

5pm England v Trinidad & Tobago, Group B, Nuremberg (ITV)

T&T were supposed to be the weakest team in the tournament, but of course they forgot to read the script. As every pundit is now saying, T&T are no pushovers. Isn't hindsight wonderful? If England goes out to enjoy the game, I think they'll win by two or three. If they're tense and nervous (it has been known) then a shock could be on the cards. But will Sven put Rooney on if England are struggling?
Player cam: Wayne Rooney will find it almost impossible to sit still on the bench. Muzzle that puppy! On the pitch, can little Dwight Yorke put one over on England's towering centre-backs? Possibly.
Prediction: England 2 – 0 Trinidad & Tobago

* * * * *

8pm Sweden v Paraguay, Group B, Berlin (ITV)

Both teams are in a tight spot after poor opening games, and they each desperately want three points from this fixture. Let's face it, the best either Sweden or Paraguay can hope for is a quarter-final place – they're average teams who will be found out should they reach the knockout stages. In fact, Group B is probably the poorest group in the tournament – in terms of football entertainment and quality, anyway.
Player cam: Will Freddie Ljungberg be on speaking terms with Olof Mellberg? Or any of his team-mates, for that matter.
Prediction: Sweden 1 – 0 Paraguay

Soca Warriors gunning for England

Even though Trinidad & Tobago is a small country tucked away in the West Indies, the side has something distinctly British about it. The person who epitomises that the most is Christopher Birchall, the Stafford born player who plies his trade at Robbie Williams' fave side, Port Vale.

Although Birchall is grateful for the opportunity to compete in a World Cup, he is also respectful of England, where he has always called home. "England is the country I come from and I won't disrespect them if I score a goal," said Birchall, a Liverpool fan. Of course he's not the only one playing in the English leagues. In the squad you have Shaka Hislop (West Ham United), Dennis Lawrence (Wrexham), Brent Sancho (Gillingham), Carlos Edwards (Luton Town) and Stern John - plus three more on the substitutes' bench in Ian Cox (Gillingham), Kenwyne Jones (Southampton) and Clayton Ince (Coventry)... not to mention captain Dwight Yorke's connections.

Of course, they may be respectful, but they'll still have their sights set on a win against England. Leo Beenhakker's team hope they can create an even bigger shock against England at the Franken-Stadion in Nuremberg.

"I would say there is confidence there now," said Dwight Yorke. "We needed a big performance against Sweden and went out and showed a lot of courage. I did not know that my players had such fantastic character. That is a game that five years ago we would probably have lost."

If the draw against Sweden, which saw T&T playing with 10 for a part, was the finest moment in Soca Warrior history, imagine the furore they'll cause if they get something today against England. You wouldn't bet against it either.

Mof Gimmers 

England's build-up to Trinidad & Tobago going well - they just haven't noticed that Dwight Yorke is playing in midfield

It seems England's preparations for the match against Trinidad and Tobago in just two days time could be going a little better as they haven't realised that Dwight Yorke will play in midfield yet.

Captain David Beckham has warned his defenders about Yorke's threat, apparently oblivious to the fact his midfield counterparts are more likely to be up against Yorke.

England's build-up to Trinidad & Tobago going well - they just haven't noticed that Dwight Yorke is playing in midfield continued

According to the BBC, Beckham said: "He's always been a threat to defenders in any game - he's one of the best forwards around. He's one of the great strikers and has been for many years." Anyone got Sven's phone number?

Rob Parker

Ljungberg v Mellberg. Round Two…

You probably heard that Freddie Ljungberg and Olof Mellberg had (another) bust-up, in the dressing room after Sweden's 0-0 draw against T&T on Saturday. Well, a Swedish website has inside knowledge of exactly what happened (don't know how, but I'd like to believe it's true). To summarise:

Mellberg: 'We're shit up front'
Ljungberg: 'And you're a shit defender'

Or something like that. Soccerlens.com has all the gory details…

5 Conclusions: England v Paraguay

1 Why's everyone being so goddamned negative? England won its opening group game (for the first time in ages) against a very tricky South American team on a blisteringly hot afternoon that suited our opponents much more than us. And then our rivals draw with the weakest team in the tournament, leaving us in the enviable position of having to beat said 'weakest team' to qualify one match early. Brilliant.

2 Sven's massive Mr Burns forehead looked a bit red afterwards. Did he forget to pack the factor 30?

3 Peter Crouch had a great game and is now clearly above Michael Owen (poor throughout but still not fully match-fit) in the pecking order. Never thought I'd say that.

4 The Mexican ref, with his Bond villain hair and toothy smile, scared the life out of me. That second half was just frightening – I was convinced he'd send san English player off, just for being too English. Pray to God we don't get him again.

5 I simply can't understand why Sven let Jermain Defoe go home. You got the wrong Jermain(e) you Swedish turnip – you should have let Jenas return to England, not Defoe! A bonkers decision.

Horror Hair: Christian Wilhelmsson's Rat Tail

Well done to Trinidad and Tobago for holding Sweden to a 0-0 draw - a formidable feat with 11 men let alone 10. Unfortunately T&T's exploits were overshadowed by the horrendous hair-do of Sweden's Christian Wilhelmsson. The rat tail flopping at the back of his head was reminiscent of Roberto Baggio's 'Divine Ponytail'. Congratulations to Christian for being our first Horror Hair of Germany 2006.

Rob Parker

LIVE BLOG: England v Paraguay

Click below to access the Live Blog for England v Paraguay (if it doesn't update, click Refresh on your internet browser)…

LIVE BLOG: England v Paraguay (click refresh to update)

1.54pm Teams in the tunnel, Paul Robinson looks nervous. Very hot afternoon, which will surely suit Paraguay… c'mon England!

1.55pm National Anthems… not easy to stand when you're typing on a laptop :( Gary Nevile never sings it, the twat.

1.57pm And none of the Paraguayans sing their national anthem. Maybe they don't know the words?

1.59 C'MON ENGLAND!

2pm Is anyone else having trouble seeing the players with that crazy shadow on the pitch? Shades of Mexico 86…

2.02pm Loads of English in the ground, making a decent noise. Slow start to the game though.

2.04pm GET IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2.05pm Paraguay own goal on three minutes, although John Motson thought it was Michael Owen's orginally. Who cares! 1-0 England

2.06pm Paraguay keeper crocked. Great start for England, settled the nerves of all England fans. Great ball in from Beckham - Sven almost looked excited on the bench there. Looks like sub keeper might have to come in.

2.09pm Reserve keeper on for Paraguay. They look rattled.

2.10pm Gerrard has a pop with the adidas beach ball. England are looking very dangerous every time they get forward. Paraguay can only get better… (you'd think)

2.12pm Indirect free-kick inside the Paraguay penalty area… controversial decision by the slick-haired ref… hit the wall and then over the bar by Lampard.

2.14pm Beckham causing havoc on the right… Paul Robinson gets one of his first touches of the ball and boots the ball straight to his opposite number.

2.15pm First 15 minutes played, England should be 2 or 3 goals up, that's the only concern. Paraguay look awful.

2.18pm Gerrard gets yellow card for a two-footed challenge. Intent was there but a worrying decision from the maverick Mexican.

2.21 Lampard down in the box, nothing given though. Crouch showed a good turn of pace earlier… and this ref has red card written all over him.

2.23pm Great shot by Lampard, stung the keeper's hands. Really could do with a second goal here.

2.25pm Gerrard down injured, clattered in the knee… on his feet but doesn't look too happy.

2.28pm Paraguay coming back into the game a little… foul on Gary Neville… 30 degrees in Motty/Lawro's commentary box apparently. Scorchio!

2.30pm Silky skills from robo-Crouch. He's having a good match so far… 'Hope England haven't peaked  too soon,' says Motty. Shut up Motty… Joe Cole down injured, looks in pain but should be OK… yep, he's alright. Phew.

2.36pm Lull in the game… England sitting a bit deep… couple of weak penalty shouts by England. England'll really need that half-time drink of water, or whatever isotonic drink they have these days.

2.39pm Free-kick wide left to England, Becks on the ball… ball rebounds, long-range shot well-over by Stevie G.

2.41pm Valdes whacked in the face by Rio Ferdinand, acts like he's been shot. Officials not allowing England to drink from water bottles. Shades of Jack Charlton/Ireland in 1994. Ridiculous.

2.43pm Becks goes close, shot just past the left post. Crouch and him have been our best players in the first half. England leading 8-2 on shot count.

2.45pm Football's Coming Home chant rings around the ground. Need the half to end without further incident now…

2.46pm Four minutes added time… just a thought, but on this form if Rooney returns it would have to be in place of Michael Owen… Crouch is looking an essential part of our team.

2.48pm OOOH!!! Paraguay go very close (Valdez) after a mistake on the left touchline by Ashley Cole. C'mon ref, blow the whistle for half-time…

2.50pm HALF-TIME. Thank God for that, England were looking a bit knackered at the end there.

Back in 15 minutes…

3.06pm We're off again…

3.07pm Stamina is key to this match. Think we'll have to use all our subs in this heat.

3.08pm That ref's hair is Brylcreem-tastic. Very slick.

3.10pm I suggest England gets together in the shaded area and keep the ball there for the remainder of the match… and that is exactly what they appear to be doing. Excccceellllent Smithers!

3.16pm England need to step things up again. The heat is clearly a factor… Stewart Downing on for Michael Owen. Strange decision. Owen must be injured?

3.18pm Great hold-up play by Crouch, Beckham into the box and dragged his shot wide.

3.20pm Agree with Ashley - get a fit youngster like Lennon on to run it down the line. We're going into our shell a bit like we did against Brazil in 2002. Have to push forward. C'mon boys, we're better than this!

3.23pm Why take Walcott if you have no confidence in throwing him on for Owen?

3.24pm Scrappy game now… yellow card for dissent to Peter Crouch after the ref gave a foul gainst him. Bit of a worry. Talking of Crouch, he nearly had a chance in the box… and then Valdes shot straight at Robinson.

3.26pm Rubbish decision by the ref on Crouch again. Perfectly good tackle. We'll get a red card if we're not careful. This ref scares the shit out of me. Paraguay looking much more dangerous now. This could be 1-1 if we're not careful, which would be a travesty, cause we're much better than Paraguay, clearly.

3.30pm A team with more attacking quality would have equalised by now… 20 minutes to go, get another sub on Sven!

3.33pm Great build-up play, started by Becks, Lampard nearly scored!!! Corner… Crouch heads up in the air… goal-kick.

3.35pm Crouch flagging a bit in the heat… Walcott has to come on for the last 15 minutes Sven…

3.37pm Owen was a tactical sub apparently… Sven's frozen in the headlights again. We have to get another sub or two on, or we'll end up with a draw.

3.39pm Joe Cole down injured but he looks OK now… get a sub on Sven!!!!!!!!

3.41pm Nunez on for Toldo. Owen Hargreaves about to come on for England. Great. Yep, Hargreaves on for Joe Cole, who's run his little socks off.

3.43pm England look out on their feet. Sitting so deep now. Lennon should come on for Becks on the right. Paraguay haven't shown too much up front… yet.

3.46pm Crouch offside. Had a great game though. Man of the match, I reckon. Less than five minutes to go now. C'mon lads!

3.48pm Rooney must be suffering on the bench… stinging shot by Lampard, well-saved. Corner… Terry and Rio up… 89th minute…  tense… very tense…

3.50pm Valdez has worked hard up front for Paraguay, but he's in my Annoying Players XI for sure. Always niggling our players.

3.52pm 2 minutes added time… almost there… almost there… should be OK now… YES!!!!! Victory!!!

3.53pm That was a very scary 90 minutes but it's the result that counts. Tough to play in that heat so you can't be too hard on England's players. Sven looked a bit out of his depth when it comes to thinking on his feet… again. Still, let's not be too negative. It's a winning start, after all.

England v Paraguay: LIVE BLOG, today 2pm

Yep, for those of you stuck in an office or simply unable to get access to a TV, radio or the internet, Bratwurst will be live blogging England's first game this afternoon. Check back at 2pm to follow the game here.

Bet of the Day: Peter Crouch to score a hat-trick against Paraguay

As you would expect there is little value in match-betting on England versus Paraguay because the bookies are unable to share the South Americans' optimism before a ball has been kicked.

If you do want a flutter on the game, you can get 40-1 on Peter Crouch to score a hat-trick (William Hill and generally). Successive hat-tricks for England is very unlikely (hence the odds) but Paraguay's lack of inches at the back has been well publicised and Crouch (pictured looking mean and moody) could benefit.

If that is a bit too extravagant for you, you can get 9-2 on a strong Ivory Coast side to pull off a shock against Argentina this evening (again William Hill and generally).

Rob Parker

The miracle of Ballack

Michael Ballack is now saying he's fit and available to play against Costa Rica this afternoon. Yesterday he was ruled out with a calf injury. What gives? Mind games, or a miraculous recovery? Either way, it'll be interesting to see if Jurgen Klinsmann now picks his captain to start against Los Ticos. Werder Bremen midfielder Tim Borowski and Borussia Dortmund's Sebastian Kehl were expected to fight it out to replace Ballack.                    

The secret of Michael Owen's success: do less running!

Michael Owen has revealed that he has become a top international striker by doing less running than he used to. In his MSN Player Diary Owen wrote: "When you're a kid you want to run everywhere and get every ball, which is exactly what I did. I was so excited to be in the first team that I probably did twice as much running as I should have and I was dead for three or four days after." Owen claims he has now become a more intelligent player by making fewer forward runs and not dropping deep to receive the ball either.

Rob Parker

Paraguay captain Carlos Gamarra predicts England will be knocked out in the group stages

Let the crafty South American mind-games commence! Veteran Paraguay captain Carlos Gamarra has predicted that England will be knocked out in the first round of the World Cup with Sweden and Paraguay progressing from Group B. The 35-year-old said in a Friends-style statement: 'I so fear England but I think Sweden are the main threat in the group… England is a tough match but we can beat them if we play intelligent football.' The two teams meet on Saturday at 2pm, but you knew that already. [via The Sun]

Rob Parker

Wayne Rooney vs Metatarsal: Rooney winning on points

Wayne Rooney's been seen attempting a frickin' scissor kick in training – his recovery from that pesky foot injury would seem to be progressing nicely. He's due to fly back to Manchester on Wednesday for another scan, but it seems 90 per cent likely that he'll be cleared to return to Germany. However, volleying a ball in training and evading the attentions of a giant central defender intent on stepping on your crocked foot are two very different things.

Kit Parade: Paraguay

England's first opponents have gone for the tried and tested red and white stripes for their home kit. Retro is definitely 'in' for this World Cup and Paraguay have ditched the thicker stripes of recent years for a more classic look. The shirt may resemble Sunderland's kit, but Paraguay's north-east connection actually lies with monkey-featured former Newcastle winger Diego Gavilan. You can buy it from Kitbag.

Rob Parker

The Henrik Larsson Fanclub's tribute song

The Henrik Larsson Fanclub has done a song in tribute to their once-dreadlocked hero. I guarantee you won't hear a finer example of Euro powerpop (at least not today). You can check it out by visiting their MySpace site. All together now, 'Let's get excited, don't ever hide it… whisper his name… Henrik Larsson!'

Paddy Power to refund bets if Crouch's team-mates do the Robot

Paddy Power, never ones to miss a trick, are offering refunds on all losing 1st/last goalscorer bets for tomorrow's England v Jamaica friendly, if three or more England players celebrate a goal by doing the infamous Peter Crouch robot dance. If that doesn't interest you, the general match odds are as follows:
England 1-8, Draw 6-1, Jamaica 16-1

Owen Hargreaves to star against Jamaica. Oh no, I meant start

If you strike him down, he shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine…

Yep, everyone's favourite German-Canadian, Owen Hargreaves, looks certain to start tomorrow's Jamaica friendly, in the pivotal holding midfield role. Former No.1 holding midfielder Jamie Carragher moves to right-back (a failed experiment?) to deputise for Gary Neville (nursing a hamstring). As for Michael Carrick, who knows? Also looks like MC Crouch will start on the bench again, with Michael Owen on his own up front. Boo. More here.

What do you make of this rotating shambles?

Rio Ferdinand 'kidnaps' David Beckham. Hilarious

Ho ho, Rio's a wag, pretending to kidnap Becks. According to The Sun, 'The Real Madrid ace was convinced he was about to be held to ransom after a bizarre car ride that took him across Manchester’s notorious Moss Side area.' Becks jumped out of the car at a red light and sprinted away, clearly shitting himself. Rio leapt out of a nearby van, caught up with his captain and explained it was all a big joke, filmed for Rio's new ITV show, 'Rio Ferdinand's World Cup Wind-ups'. Comedy gold. (The show will be aired on 10 June, after the Paraguay game, btw)

Good to see Rio's mind is fully concentrated on the tournament :(

Paraguay's Fifa official makes 'booty call' to Swedish photographer

A Swedish photographer following Paraguay's World Cup squad has revealed that she was called in the middle of the night by a Fifa official trying to get her to meet one of the players. Emelie Asplund was sent by Swedish newspaper Dagens Nyheter to cover Paraguay's warm-up match against Denmark last Saturday. After the match she was asleep in her hotel room when the phone rang. It was 1am…

The caller was Manuel Hoffman, Fifa's liaison officer for Paraguay, who had interpreted some interviews earlier that day. 'He said that a player [as yet unidentified] from the team wanted to meet me right away, in the middle of the night - so he could get to know me better,' said Asplund. Classy guy!

Not tempted (wonder why?), Asplund went back to sleep. But the next day her colleague, reporter Maria Nordström, challenged Hoffman. 'When I asked him what he was playing at he apologised. He said it was hard to refuse when someone asks and a whole group of guys are standing around him,' said Nordström.

Tssk. Footballers, eh!

[via The Local]

England vs Hungary: 10 conclusions

1 Human stick insect Peter Crouch's body-poppin' robot dance was the funniest goal celebration I've seen in years. Not quite as impressive as this.

2 Has Michael Carrick been having an affair with Nancy or what? What does he have to do to convince Sven that he's a better option than Jamie Carragher and Owen Hargeraves?

3 Frank Lampard had a poor match and was outshone by Beckham, Joe Cole and Stevie G. Move Beckham inside and put Aaron Lennon on the right, anyone?

4 John Motson is past his best. He makes even Mark Lawrenson sound lucid/intelligent.

England vs Hungary: 10 conclusions cont…

5 Sol Campbell is desperately out of form. Apart from picking up a needless booking, he made several mistakes at the back.

6 Ashley Cole, on the other hand, looks better every time I see him. Still not back to his absolute best, but he's getting there. A big bonus for Sven.

7 Wayne Rooney, sitting in the crowd, looked pretty chipper for someone who may miss the entire World Cup. Have to admire his positive attitude. He hasn't whined about his misfortune once.

8 England's most important player? These days it's clearly Joe Cole, closely followed by John Terry. Props to Jose Mourinho for his sterling work with both.

9 Still laughing at Crouch's robotics…

10 Lee Dixon is actually a decent pundit. Very dull voice, but he always says the right things. Much better than Alan Hansen (tired) or Ian Wright (emotional).

Jamie Carragher to play as a holding midfielder against Hungary

Why, why, why, why? Why pick Michael Carrick and Owen Hargreaves in your squad and then play Jamie Carragher as a holding midfielder? It is rumoured that is what Sven Goran Eriksson has planned for England's friendly against Hungary tonight.

Eriksson has already stated that the team he plays tonight will be the one he wants to start the World Cup. Click here to read more from The Guardian.

Rob Parker

BBC experts' lowdown on the England squad

The BBC have produced an in-depth look at the England squad (roughly two weeks after everyone else). It is an interesting read as the Beeb have enlisted the help of some of their experts to give their opinions.

Chris Woods examines the England keepers, Terry Butcher runs the rule over the defence, Chris Waddle mulls over the midfield, Alan Shearer rates the strikers and Graham Taylor (snigger) looks at Sven's record. Click here to read it.

Rob Parker

BIG NEWS BALL! Wayne Rooney's scan date moved forward one week to 7 June

It's been decided at a meeting held this morning at Man U's training complex – attended by both Sven-Goran Eriksson and Alex Ferguson (plus the usual array of medical experts) – that Wayne Rooney's next metatarsal scan will be on 7 June, one week earlier than originally planned. Doesn't change much really, just decides his fate a bit earlier. I'm not holding out much hope.

Revealed: Wayne Rooney's new nickname…

Steven Gerrard on Wayne Rooney: 'The first time I saw him after his injury, I expected him to be a bit down. But even then he was adamant he was going to play some part… That's great news as a team-mate and there's no one more desperate than Wazza to play in the World Cup – except for me.'

Wazza?!*@!!

Yep, the world's finest young footballer goes by the nickname Wazza (I thought it was Shrek?). Classy, very classy.

Robert Green out of World Cup with ruptured groin

Click here to see the painful moment when England's third-choice goalkeeper Robert Green ended his World Cup hopes and gifted Belarus and equaliser in last night's B international. Green is now out of the tournament with a ruptured groin.

Not featured in the video is replacement Scott Carson trying to strike a balance between his concerned team-mate look and his 'I'm going to the World Cup' smirk.

Rob Parker

England B vs Belarus: 10 conclusions

1 Scott Carson should have been England's third keeper long before last night's match.

2 If Owen Hargreaves doesn't play in his usual holding midfield position, then why criticise him? That's like slagging off David Beckham because he had a shit game alongside John Terry in central defence. Hargreaves' versatility does him no favours.

3 Praise Aaron Lennon, by all means - but praise Sven too for having the balls to pick him instead of Sean Wright-Phillips. How many of you would have done the same thing?

England vs Belarus: 10 conclusions cont…

4 Last night's result matters even less than what's happening in the Big Brother house right now. It was a training match, not a competitive match – most of the senior English players just wanted to get to the final whistle unscathed. OK, Belarus took it pretty seriously but then beating England (even its B team) is a huge incentive for any team.

5 Theo Walcott is not going to compensate for the loss of Wayne Rooney. Walcott is bloody quick though and that just might be enough in the last 15 minutes of a key game.

6 I still don't rate Stewart Downing as international class. He's a very good club player, no more. I hope he proves me wrong, but I have my doubts.

7 Why has Joe Cole been taking diving lessons from Chelsea team-mates Dider Drogba and Arjen Robben? A shame, he's better than that (so are Drogba and Robben, for that matter).

8 All the idiots on football forums banging on about how England will struggle against Sweden, Paraguay and even T&T – get a life. Paul Robinson, John Terry, Gary Neville, Rio Ferdinand, Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard and David Beckham didn't even get on to the pitch last night, so how can you make any sort of rational judgment on England's chances? Not one player (with the possible exception of Michael Carrick) who will start against Paraguay played the full 90 minutes against Belarus.

9 I admired the way Belarus played and also the fact they didn't try and kick lumps out of our players. 'Nuff respect to them.

10 I still wish that Robbie Fowler, not Andy Johnson, was our second stand-by striker. As an international defender, who would you rather see on the opposition bench? Exactly…

Michael Owen: 'I can't feel my foot'

England striker Michael Owen apparently came through last night's semi-embarrassing 2-1 defeat to Belarus in the B international unscathed despite being unable to feel his foot. He told the BBC: "I feel sharp, I can't feel my foot and I'm pleased I played for the 60 minutes." Is that good news or bad news?!

Rob Parker

World Cup Song Retrospective

Retrospectives. We love 'em. This here is a little look at some of the horrors that have dinked into the charts over the years… all in the name of England and World Cup glory. Laugh at K Keegan taking the '82 song far too seriously! Weep as you watch Echo & The Bunnymen rub shoulders with the Spice Girls! Scratch your head when you see Viv Anderson singing a ballad…

Mof Gimmers

Star striker to miss England vs Paraguay game

Paraguay striker Roque Santa Cruz (did you think we meant somebody else?!) will miss the World Cup group game against England as he has tendinitis in his right knee. He sat out of Paraguay's 2-2 draw with Norway last night. Click here to read more from the BBC.

Rob Parker

World Cup songs: Maximus Dan's Fighter is official Trinidad and Tobago song

Call off the World Cup song contest - we might just have a winner. Trinidad and Tobago's official World Cup song is Fighter (aka Soca Warrior) by Maximus Dan (pictured).

You can listen to a clip of the song by going to Maximus Dan's website, clicking on albums, then Love Generation and scrolling down until you see Fighter.

Rob Parker

Cool video of Theo Walcott training for England in Portugal

You don't win anything with kids… this is clearly no ordinary kid though. Get in there Theo!

Metatarsal Watch! Wayne Rooney making 'perfect recovery'. WTF?

Little confused here… Roo took almost three months to recover from his last metatarsal injury, suffered during Euro 2004, but now England doctor Leif Sward thinks that he stands a good chance of recovering from multiple fractures after just six weeks. What gives? I guess we'll find out on 25 May, when Rooney has his make-or-break MRI scan.

In other news, Tottenham defender Michael Dawson has replaced injury-stricken Luke Young on England's five-man stand-by list.

Mystic Sven: 'We Will the World Cup'… Everyone else: 'That's torn it'

Been taking the cocky pills, Sven? Just because Alf Ramsey proclaimed that his England team would lift the World Cup in 1966, doesn't mean you should too. Where has this out-of-character statement come from? Perhaps Kevin Keegan has stolen Sven's soul? 'I would love it, just love it, if we beat the rest of the world etc etc.'

The Bratwurst pickle: can Steven Gerrard play as a striker?

Simple question: if Wayne Rooney and Michael Owen are still crocked in a month's time, should Stevie G play up front for England? He's clearly good enough to play most positions on the pitch, but second striker? I'm not convinced.

What say you?

Video of David Beckham's superhuman free-kick vs Greece

Becks scored twice in his final game of the season for Real Madrid, so let's hope he's in the kind of all-action form that saw him single-handedly drag England to the last World Cup. Even more good news: Michael Owen survived a full training session without breaking into a million tiny pieces.

All 32 squads announced. Here are the full details…

So all 32 World Cup squads have now been announced. Sven wasn't joking: Theo Walcott (pictured) is still in there! World Cup Blog has done the groundwork and compiled an exhaustive list of all the squads, which you can see by visiting Bob and co's excellent site…

Trinidad & Tobago announce final World Cup squad

Trinidad and Tobago have announced their final 23 man squad for the World Cup. There was never likely to be too many surprises as they only named 24 players for the provisional squad. Former Hibs and Reading midfielder Tony Rougier (pictured) is the man who must be feeling pretty left out this morning.

Click here to see the full squad. 

Rob Parker

Wayne Rooney on a bike. It's madness, I tell you!

Wayne, please stop messing about on that mountain bike and get back in your oxygen tent! You're asking for trouble. What next, a photo of Roo bungie jumping? Apparently master Wayne is making 'very positive' progress in his bid to be fit for Germany. He looks happy enough, but there's a big difference between pulling a wheelie at Man Utd's training ground and nutmegging an Argentine defender in the World Cup final.

At last, a sensible look at Sven's crazy England squad

Our new blogger Stateside, Daryl, has posted an excellent, chalkboard-style analysis of Sven's bonkers England squad on his fine Soccer Weblog. Definitely worth a read on this lazy Friday afternoon (what else you gonna do… work?)

Wayne Rooney has his cast removed

Wayne Rooney had his cast taken off yesterday, just 11 days after fracturing his metatarsal. Cue a frenzy about him being fully fit in time for the Paraguay game.

Actually, we've got Theo now. Might as well put Rooney in goal!

Rob Parker

Rubbish John Terry lookalike

Rubbish England lookalikes - collect the whole set. Dean Oakley is a spotty chap apparently finds work as a John Terry lookalike.  He may have the right hairstyle and an England shirt on, but he's hardly a lookalike (actually he hasn't even got the hair right). 

In conclusion he is a John Terry lookalike because he has an England shirt on.  Dean's saving grace is that he actually looks a bit more like the real deal than the JT action figure.  There are three John Terry lookalikes available to book for your function from Fake Faces lookalikes agency.

Rob Parker

John Terry action figure

Is it me, or does this look f**k-all like John Terry? They should have given him more estate-agentish hair.

Rubbish Wayne Rooney lookalikes

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no… No.

Putting on an England shirt doesn't mean you look like Wayne, lads. On the rubbish-o-meter, these three 'lookalikes' go all the way up to 11. More terrible football lookalikes please…

Sven's folly? A few thoughts on the England squad

Where did that come from? Safe Sven, the Volvo of football managers, has turned into Sven the Gambler. But will his apparent recklessness pay off?

Sven's folly? A few thoughts on the England squad cont…

I'm convinced that a combination of the Fake Sheikh saga and Rooney's injury has forced his hand. It's as if he's said to himself, 'Oh, f**k it, I'm leaving the job in July, so what have I got to lose?' After a few hours to mull it over, here are a few observations on the 23-man squad:

1) Talk about a scapegoat – Owen Hargreaves is not that bad. How many of his English detractors watch him play for Bayern, day-in, day-out? Exactly. He's a solid utility player, with great speed and fitness, who can play in most positions. Stop slagging him off because everyone else does too.

2) Theo Walcott is a wildcard. Better to have a talented wildcard than a decent journeyman. Darren Bent is unlucky not to be on standby (instead of Andy Johnson), but when he did play for England he looked average. The World Cup is unique - it throws up Schillachis and Roger Millas and other players who do nothing outside of the tournament. Just because a player has a solid league season, doesn't mean he's world-class or that he'll perform in a knockout format. To me, Bent looked overawed in an England shirt. Whereas Walcott might, just might, be Sven's secret weapon.

3) Aaron Lennon is a good call. His brilliant form in 2006 meant that Sven had little option but to pick him. He excites me a lot and he clearly excites Sven too.

4) Sol Campbell is a lucky boy. On current form, Sol doesn't deserve to get anywhere near the 23-man squad. That said, he's a class act and has never let us down in a major tournament. If his confidence returns, he can still be a force.

5) Where did it all go wrong for Sean Wright-Phillips? SWP looked sharp when he came on against Uruguay and we know he's a great player. Personally, I'd have taken SWP instead of Jenas, who I think is overrated.

Overall, a fascinating selection. Based on the make-up of the squad, I predict Sven's starting XI against Paraguay will be as follows:

P Robinson
------------
G Neville
A Cole
J Terry
R Ferdinand
------------
M Carrick
S Gerrard
F Lampard
D Beckham
J Cole
------------
M Owen

England's squad announced: Sven turns into risk-taker, picking Walcott and Lennon!

Theo Walcott!!! Just four strikers and no Darren Bent or Jermain Defoe! No Sean Wright-Phillips! Aaron Lennon! No Ledley King! Owen Hargreaves! Sven has ditched his conservative image and taken chances by selecting a fast, attacking squad. Good on him. Click below to see the full squad…

GK: Paul Robinson, David James, Rob Green

DF: Gary Neville, Rio Ferdinand, John Terry, Ashley Cole, Sol Campbell, Wayne Bridge, Jamie Carragher

MD: David Beckham, Michael Carrick, Frank Lampard, Steven Gerrard, Stewart Downing, Jermaine Jenas, Owen Hargreaves, Aaron Lennon, Joe Cole

FW: Michael Owen, Wayne Rooney, Peter Crouch, Theo Walcott

An attractive, attacking squad, I think. Well done Sven for taking a chance on Walcott.

England's squad: the Bratwurst 23

At 2pm this afternoon, England boss Sven-Goran Eriksson will announce his 23-man squad for Germany '06. I'm wet-the-bed excited. Pundits seem to think he'll be fairly conservative. In the interests of heated pub debate, here are the 23 players that Bratwurst would take to Deutschland…

England's squad: the Bratwurst 23 cont…

GOALKEEPERS
Who: Paul Robinson, Scott Carson, Robert Green
Why: Robinson is England's No.1 by a mile - pray he doesn't get injured early in the World Cup or we really are shafted. I don't see any benefit in taking David James – as we saw again at the weekend, he makes far too many mistakes to play at international level. Rob Green is a talented keeper but I rate Liverpool's young Carson much higher.

DEFENDERS
Who: Rio Ferdinand, Ashley Cole, John Terry, Gary Neville, Jamie Carragher, Ledley King, Sol Campbell, Kieron Richardson
Why: An area of undisputed strength. Our back four is written in stone: Cole (great to see him fit again), Ferdinand, Terry, Neville. After that there's lots of cover, although Sol Campbell's shaky form worries me and Sven must consider Carragher above him in the pecking order. I don't rate Wayne Bridge as international class and so would take the immensely talented/fearless Kieron Richardson as a utility defender/midfielder.

MIDFIELDERS
Who: David Beckham (capt), Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, Joe Cole, Michael Carrick, Sean Wright-Phillips, Stewart Downing
Why: It gave me great heart to type the names of England's midfield squad members and reassured me that we'll be OK in Germany. Becks, Stevie G, Lamps, Joe Cole – these are four world-class midfielders in their prime (well, Becks may be a couple of years past his best, but he'll want to make up for his injury-troubled World Cup in 2002). Boro's Downing has to travel – although he won't get much playing time, injuries permitting – and so he gets the nod ahead of Jermaine Jenas.

FORWARDS
Who: Michael Owen, Wayne Rooney, Peter Crouch, Jermain Defoe, Theo Walcott
Why: Oh dear. If Owen and Rooney were 100 percent fit, then we have a first XI to rival anyone in the world (including Brazil) – but they're not, so we have to accept that against Paraguay Sven will probably start with an 85 percent-fit Owen and Peter Crouch. I like Crouch and he confused the hell out of Uruguay when he came on in that friendly earlier in the year, but he's no Roo. I really hope Sven gambles on Theo Walcott, rather than Darren Bent, who I doubt at the highest level - imagine if Brazil hadn't gambled on a 17-year-old Pele. I'd also put Robbie Fowler on standby (not Bent) because he's in good form and is still the best English finisher in the game. Am also praying daily that oxygen tents actually work miracles.

What say you? Agree/Disagree?

Steve McClaren vs Mike Baldwin

The soaptastic Corrieblog asks, quite rightly, is new England manager Steve McClaren (pictured, left) Mike Baldwin in disguise? I've never seen them together in the same room. Very suspicious…

Kit Parade: Sweden

Umbro are so lazy. Does this kit seem familiar to you? This is not the first time Umbro has have fobbed England and Sweden off with the same kit in different colours and it has got to stop! They promised a unique St George's cross-design on the shirt to give us a real sense of national identity and – shock horror – there it is in blue to represent the Swedish cross. It's all academic really though, because Sweden should definitely play in their gold centenary kit (shiny shiny). You can buy them both from kitbag.
Rob Parker

Trinidad and Tobago keeper eyes an upset

Trinidad and Tobago goalkeeper Kelvin Jack has told the official World Cup website that he is expecting to pull off shock results in Germany. Jack, who plays in Scotland for Dundee, said: 'England, Sweden and Paraguay might have the stars, but it's still just 11 v 11 and, if we get it tactically right, which I'm sure we will, we can definitely cause an upset.'

England might have the stars, but unfortunately most of them are in the physio room (or the oxygen tent), so Kelvin might be right. Click here to read the full article.
Rob Parker

Surprise, surprise, Steve McClaren will succeed Sven as England manager

Steve McClaren has just arrived at FA headquarters and will shortly be announced as the next England manager at the obligatory press conference. Yaaaaaaaawn. How do all the Boro fans out there feel about this? Disappointed? Let us know who you'd like to succeed him.

Rooney needs a 'miracle'

It's been confirmed by Sven Goran-Eriksson that Wayne Rooney has multiple fractures in his right foot and will need a 'miracle' if he is to feature for England in Germany. Man Utd have offered a glimmer of hope by saying that Roo is still just six weeks away from training, but I think the game's up. Peter Crouch, come on down!

Rooney can be replaced

FIFA has confirmed that Wayne Rooney can be replaced up until 24 hours before England's first World Cup match, against Paraguay on 10 June. Sven has to announce his 23-man squad by 15 May, but FIFA's system means it's almost certain that Sven will gamble and both Roo and Michael Owen will be in that list of 23 players.

Alex Ferguson, meanwhile, says it's barmy that Sven is even considering taking Rooney. Fergie has a vested interest but I have to say I agree – face facts, Roo won't be fit for Germany. It sucks, yes, but it's the way it is.

Cole to the left of me, Owen to the right, here I am stuck in hospital with a metatarsal injury

Ashley Cole, Michael Owen, Ledley King and now, most damaging of all, Wayne Rooney have succumbed to the curse of the metatarsal. A shocking weekend for England fans, but at least England assistant coach Tord Grip is kidding himself being optimistic: 'Rooney may be out for five or six weeks,' he says. 'That might mean he only misses the first match.' Tord, hang on a minute, experts are saying it's six weeks minimum, so how can you conveniently knock a week off his recovery schedule…

Cole to the left of me, Owen to the right, here I am stuck in hospital with a metatarsal injury cont…

This blind faith reminds me exactly of how a nation conned itself into thinking David Beckham would be fit for the last World Cup. Becks conned himself too. Beckham's lack of fitness meant he couldn't track back and cover Ronaldinho for Brazil's equaliser in the quarter final.

People who say they'd still take Rooney to Germany even if he's only 80 percent fit are idiots:

a) This is the World Cup, not a kickabout for a Nike advert.
b) Roo is more likely to do long-term damage to himself if he plays and he's not totally fit. He's only 20, for God's sake.
c) Joe Cole, Steven Gerrard, John Terry, Frank Lampard, Paul Robinson, David Beckham, Rio Ferdinand… when was the last time England could boast seven world-class players in its squad? Even without mentioning Michael Owen and Ashley Cole (and both will probably be fit by June), we have a very good bunch of players. They'll want to 'Do it for Roo' as well – as I'm sure the red-tops will remind us constantly.

Chin up, plucky Englanders. It's not the end of the World (Cup)…

GROUP B: the verdict

Bratwurst has now profiled all four teams in Group B (England, Paraguay, Sweden, Trinidad & Tobago). This is how we think things will pan out…

GROUP B: HOW THEY'LL FINISH

1st England C'mon, what else could I say! Easily good enough to pick up two wins (Paraguay and T&T) and a relaxing draw (Sweden) in their final group game. Should progress as winners of a mediocre group.

2nd Sweden Juventus striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic and goalkeeper Andreas Isaksson are the only Swedes who might get near a world all-star squad. Apart from that, they're no great shakes – they're hard to beat, sure, but no more than that. Henrik Larsson and Freddie Ljungberg are past their best. Probably swindle a jammy draw against England though.

3rd Paraguay If the tournament was being played in South America, I might even pick Paraguay to top the group. But it's not, so I think they'll struggle.

4th Trinidad & Tobago The weakest team to qualify for Germany '06. Will enjoy their moment in the sun, and will have lots of neutrals cheering for them, but I can't forsee anything but three defeats for Dwight Yorke and co.

So England and Sweden make it to the second round, to join Germany and Poland from Group A. Stay tuned for the first of our Group C team guides, coming to a Bratwurst near you, very soon.

By the way, this is how the bookies (Blue Square) see the group:

England 8-15
Sweden 2-1
Paraguay 15-2
Trinidad & Tobago 40-1

No value there really. Only bet worth taking is Sweden to win the group at 2-1.

Team Guide: TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO

The last team guide for Group B is Caribbean minnows Trinidad & Tobago.  So are TnT going to be dynamite or a damp squib?

TRINIDAD & TOBAGO, Group B

10 June vs SWEDEN (5pm*, Dortmund)

15 June vs ENGLAND (5pm, Nuremberg)

20 June vs PARAGUAY (8pm, Kaiserslauten)

* all times BST

World Ranking 47

How they qualified

Dramatically.  The CONCACAF three-round qualifying system is fairly complicated so to cut a long story short, they needed to beat Mexico in their last match to finish fourth in the table and managed to pull off a shock 2-1 win.  That set up a play-off with Bahrain.  Port Vale's English-born Chris Birchall scored a spectacular equaliser in the home leg, while Wrexham defender Dennis Lawrence scored the only goal in the away leg to book the Soca Warriors' place at the finals.

World Cup history

They have none.  First-time qualifiers.

Star man

Coventry City's Stern John scores all the goals, but its a rejuvenated Dwight Yorke who pulls all the strings and provides the inspiration.  Yorke is a national legend.  His impact on the players around him is akin to the extra incentive the current England squad would have if Bobby Moore was playing alongside them.  Yorke returned from international retirement to captain the side during the qualifying campaign.  He has recently been playing in midfield for Sydney FC giving manager Leo Beenhakker an extra option.  The 34-year-old has been training with Manchester United to improve hit fitness for the World Cup since the Australian A-League season ended and has been linked with a move to Luton Town.

Strengths

Probably lots of underdog support from the Germans, especially against England.

The inspirational Dwight Yorke.

Weaknesses

A squad that would basically be a decent League One team in England.

The Trinidad and Tobago Football Federation won't let a World Cup get in the chance of a good feud if the opportunity arises.

Did you know?

Chris Birchall is the first white player to represent Trinidad and Tobago for 60 years.

Odds 1500-1 (www.bluesq.com)

Verdict

Rank outsiders as those odds suggest.  Group whipping boys you would think, but the Trinidad & Tobago spirit could carry them through.  Team unity is often as important as any amount of skill in these major tournaments.  Remember Jamaica's win against Japan in 1998?  Trinidad and Tobago will be out to emulate their Caribbean neighbours and at least record a win.  With so many English-based and born players the Soca Warriors will have even more to play for against England. 

Wayne Rooney in 'fearless' shock

'I don't think we need to fear anyone. This is probably the best group of players we have had since 1966.' Wayne Rooney

Well said master Rooney. I actually agree with him - Sven does have the most talented group of players at his disposal since we won it. If you look at some of the players who made the 2002 squad (admittedly we had a few key injuries), such as Danny Mills, Trevor Sinclair, Nicky Butt, Danny Murphy and Darius Vassell, you can't then argue that the 2006 squad won't be a major improvement. That's it, optimism has reached critical mass: I'm off to stick a St George's flag in my bedroom window.

Who says Sven has no sense of direction…

Great story in The Sun about how England fans with TomTom sat-nav devices in their cars are now able to receive directions from Sven-Goran Eriksson (well, a synthesised imitation of him). More details here. That World Cup bandwagon is creaking already.

Team Guide: PARAGUAY

It's time to run the rule over the South Americans England will face in their opening Group B match, in just 47 days.

Click below for the lowdown.

PARAGUAY, Group B

10 June vs ENGLAND (2pm*, Frankfurt)

15 June vs SWEDEN (8pm, Berlin)

20 June vs TRINIDAD & TOBAGO (8pm, Kaiserslauten)

*all times BST

World Ranking 33

How they qualified
Saved themselves a play-off against Australia by taking the final automatic qualification place in the South American table ahead of Uruguay.  They actually only missed out on third place to Ecuador on goal difference.  Incredibly, four of their qualification games finished 4-1 - two wins, two defeats.  Managed 0-0 draws at home to Brazil and away at Argentina, and beat Argentina 2-1 at home.

World Cup history
Paraguay have qualified for six World Cup finals in 1930, 1950, 1958, 1986, 1998 and 2002.  Unsurpisingly given their new found qualifying consistency, Paraguay's best performances have come in recent World Cups reaching the last 16 in 1998 and 2002.

Star man
A tough call, but captain Carlos Gamarra gets the nod partially because it would be harsh to single out one of the strikers. As well as leading the team from central-defence, Gamarra weighed in with three important goals during qualifying.  Now aged 35, the skipper has recently come in for some criticism from Paraguay's retired free kick-taking goalkeeper Jose Luis Chilavert for being too old, but it sounds a bit like sour grapes that he is not competing.  Gamarra earned a move to Inter Milan with his World Cup performance in 2002 and currently plays in Brazil for Palmeiras.  His claim to fame is that he played in all four of Paraguay's matches at France 98 without committing a single foul. 

Strengths
A group of decent strikers including Roque Santa Cruz, Nelson Haedo-Valdez and Jose Cardozo.
Young midfielder Julio Dos Santos is tipped for big things.
A group in which picking anything up against Sweden would give them a chance of progressing.

Weaknesses
As Chilavert has pointed out, it is quite an old Paraguay squad.
A habit of conceding four or five goals if they haven't set up to cancel the other side out.

Did you know?
Duelling is legal in Paraguay provided both participants are registed blood donors.

Odds 150-1 (www.bluesq.com)

Verdict
A draw against a potentially weakened or rusty England in their opening match would stand them in good stead to progress. Paraguay will probably finish third in the group, but if they beat Trinidad & Tobago (as they should) and hunt for any scraps that are going in the other two games then they could make it to the second round for the third successive World Cup. Not to be underrated.

Rob Parker

Team Guide: ENGLAND

It's St George's Day on Sunday and so we've cunningly timed the Bratwurst series of team guides so that it's now the turn of Group B. Those of you that have been paying close attention will have noticed that we're doing the teams in alphabetical order. The first team in Group B, alphabetically, is… England! Three cheers for St George and St Wayne of Rooney!

ENGLAND, Group B

10 June vs PARAGUAY (2pm*, Frankfurt)

15 June vs TRINIDAD & TOBAGO (5pm, Nuremberg)

20 June vs SWEDEN (8pm, Cologne)

*all time BST

World Ranking 10

How they qualified
Pretty comfortable ride through an easy group, although that shock 1-0 defeat to Northern Ireland meant that things weren't wrapped up until the last group game.

World Cup history
Winners on home soil in 1966, but then you knew that already. Since then it's been mostly painful exits, from nerve-shredding penalty shoot-outs to Maradona's dastardly Hand of God.

Star man
Wayne Rooney, no question. Still a teenager and still the young pup of the England team but Roo plays like a man amongst boys. Rooney's main assets are brute strength, fearlessness, a wonderful first touch and an eye for goal. In fact, he doesn't appear to have any obvious weaknesses. I could have mentioned his suspect temperament but Fergie seems to have fixed that, too. The best teenage footballer in the world and I don't care who says different. If Rooney stays fit and plays well, England has a half-decent chance of going all the way.

Strengths
Very solid at the back, although Ashley Cole's fitness is vital
Wayne Rooney (see above)
Hugely talented midfield, especially going forward: Joe Cole, Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard and David Beckham are as good a quartet as any in the world right now

Weaknesses
Bit of a pre-tournament injury crisis, with Michael Owen, Ashley Cole, Ledley King and Sol Campbell all struggling
Penalty shoot-outs (please, not again)
Lack of striking firepower, especially if Owen is crocked

Did you know?
St George's mother was from Palestine. Good pub quiz ammo

Odds 6-1 (Blue Square)

Verdict
Hmm, very tricky. It's easy to be subjective and say, as many of our players have been, that we have a great chance of going all the way. After all, we do have a great bunch of players this time around. Objectively, I'm predicting another quarter-final thriller with a hefty dose of luck needed to go any further. Either way, come on you England!

Loadsa Reffin' Money!

There aren't many good referees about are there? I quite liked Paul Durkin, but he's retired. I really don't like Mike Riley. Thankfully, he's not going to the World Cup finals.

The lucky sods that are taking part are going to be smiling. It's more than mere prestige I can tell you.

You see, the World Cup refs have been given a 100% pay rise, which will see them earn £22,500 each!

The total refereeing bill for the month-long tournament will top £2,250,000, the Daily Mirror said yesterday.

There will be twenty three refs officiating the 64 World Cup matches, and their assistants will be paid the same amount. Bloody Nora!

Refs got £11,250 for the finals in Japan and South Korea four years ago, and of course, there wasn't a dodgy decision in sight... apart from the really ropey ones that saw Spain bow out to the hosts. And loads of others.

Still, FIFA love them and have thought it a good idea to give them an even greater (self inflated) opinion of themselves.

Keep an eye out for Russian linesmen.

The Bratwurst pickle: should Sol Campbell go to Germany?

Simple question, difficult to answer.

Big Sol hasn't played much this year - when he has, he's made even Pascal Cygan look good. I figure centre-half is the one area where England are as blessed as any nation, but I also take into account that Campbell has been consistently awesome at major tournaments.

He hasn't become a liability overnight - the media overplayed his little disappearing trick, when all that happened was he had a couple of dodgy games. No different to Rio Ferdinand then. I say take Sol, no question.

What say you?

The Bratwurst pickle: can England have its cake and eat it too?

Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard. Frank Lampard, Steven Gerrard. Whichever way you look at it, they're two of the finest forward-gear midfielders in the game today. Not so hot in the holding position though… which leads me to the age-old question (a question that won't go away either): where do you play the dynamic duo for England?

Let's examine the options…

1 Play them both in central midfield
Going forward, that's fine and dandy, although Gerrard sometimes appears to have had his thunder stolen by Lampard for England and looks a bit crestfallen. If Sven can teach one of the pair to stay back when the other rampages forward, then OK, but I'm still not convinced… we're all pretty sure this is the option Sven will choose in Germany though.

2 Drop one and bring in a holding midfielder
Maybe this square peg/round hole business is easy to solve - simply drop either Stevie G or Lamps and bring in a player who has the discipline/tackling skills to play the Makelele role, as it is now known. But who? Ledley King won't be fit, Nicky Butt has had a pretty dire time at Birmingham and Phil Neville, well, need I say more? A lot of people like Scott Parker, but he's little different in style to Gerrard, only not quite as good. Owen Hargreaves perhaps? Um, no, perhaps not. Rio Ferdinand? Talented player and could do the job adequately, but, again, Sven won't gamble here.

3 Drop Beckham and play Gerrard on the right
Drop the captain! Shame on you, Bratwurst! I've heard this solution suggested before but I don't buy it. Becks is a big-game performer and he's been having a fine season in Spain for Real Madrid. Plus, after France 98 (red card) and Japan/Korea '02 (toe injury) he'll want to make up for lost time by playing to his full potential in what may be his last WC.

4 ???
Any suggestions welcome!

Owen Hargreaves: should he stay or should he go?

Being a jack of some trades, master of none is more likely to earn you a trip to Germany than any amount of skill - just ask Phil Neville, who has amassed more than 50 international caps, in various positions. And he's not even the best player in his family…

Every manager likes the idea of the utility player, someone who can deputise in various roles. But my feeling is that utility players get that reputation because they never truly excel in one position. I would simply take the 22 best players available - Pele was good enough, they say, to play anywhere on the pitch, and in the modern era I'd say the same of Wayne Rooney and maybe Steven Gerrard.

So where does this leave Owen Hargreaves? Hargreaves himself has recently made advances to Sven, as if to say, don't forget me when you pick your squad next month: 'I can help the team be successful but it is up to Eriksson to decide what he thinks is best… He has always treated me well and I am sure he is keeping an eye on me.'

We already know Sven likes him and it has to be a good thing that Hargreaves plays his club football in Germany, for Bayern Munich; it would do no harm at all to have an insider in the England squad this summer.

Personally, I like Hargreaves and think he's much better than just a utility player. Now that Ledley King is crocked, I'd say that the English/Canadian/German has a good chance of making the 22.

Michael Owen and Wayne Rooney, live together in perfect harmony, side by side on my piano keyboard, Oh Lord etc etc

David 'The Diplomat' Beckham maintains that the Owen & Rooney show is still on the road, and that there's been no fall out over Gamblegate: 'People were saying there was an issue between Michael and Wayne but it is because they are the two main strikers that people want to say that… In our squad it is impossible to fall out over something like that.'

Becks also revealed that the only card game he has played is snap. Now that I do believe.

Owen in Boots

Michael Owen has slipped into his football boots for the first time this year. He trained under the supervision of Toon physio Derek Wright. Good news for Newcastle and England fans alike.

However, let's not start planning the victory parade just yet: Owen's injury problems are depressingly similar to David Beckham's before the last World Cup - Beckham wasn't 100% fit in Korea/Japan and there's no way Owen will be fully match-fit in time for Germany, even if he has played a couple of club games before the end of the Prem season. Darren Bent, get packing.

To Alan or not to Alan? Who should be Sven's fourth striker?

A few days ago I posted an April Fool's story about Alan Shearer being in secret talks with Sven to come out of retirement and go to Germany. In the light of Michael Owen's fitness woes, is this such a crazy idea? Hell, Shearer is a lot younger than Teddy Sheringham, and Teddy's still going strong.

If Owen is unfit, we'll be without a proven goalscorer. Or should Sven go with fresh blood, perhaps Dean Ashton or Darren Bent? Let us know what you think… which four strikers should Sven take to Germany?

The mysterious case of Frank Lampard

Should we be worried about Frank Lampard's current lack of form? In a word, yes. He was awesome last season but since the start of 2006, he's looked decidedly average and hardly figured in Chelski's Champions League tie against Barcelona…

…Lampard is supposedly the second-best footballer on the planet (he was beaten only by Ronaldinho at FIFA's World Player of the Year awards) but right now he doesn't even look like the second-best midfielder at Chelsea. Where is that box-to-box dynamo, who used to bang in goals with metronomic regularity? What gives? Is he saving himself for the World Cup? Has he been replaced by an imposter? If you've seen the real Frank, let us know.

Shhh! Shearer for England again?

At a party attended by WaatB? last night, a mole (who works on the sports desk at a well-known Sunday tabloid newspaper) drunkenly let slip details of a huge, huge story - apparently Alan Shearer has been in secret talks with both the FA and Sven about the possibility of him reversing his retirement and being part of the England squad this summer. Sven is desperately worried that Michael Owen won't be fit and he'll be without an experienced goalscorer in his 22. Shearer is still in good enough shape to do a job for England. Given the choice between Dean Ashton, Darren Bent and Shearer, I know who I'd pick (clue: not Ashton or Bent). You heard it here first…

Home nations get behind England. Really?

A survey of Welsh, Scottish and Northern Irish football fans has revealed that the majority will be supporting England this summer. 83% of Welsh fans said they'd back Becks & Co, with 76% of the Northern Irish and, surprise surprise, 67% of Scots.

Hmm, suspicious. The Celts I know usually go out of their way to support whoever is playing against the English. Could this be an April Fool's Day joke come early?

Get well soon, Michael. Please

Michael Owen has his critics, but England's chances of winning the World Cup would decrease dramatically if he's not fit by June. Who then would partner Wayne Rooney upfront? Peter Crouch? Bench-warmer Jermain Defoe? Dean Ashton, Darren Bent or James Beattie… ooh, Italian defenders will be scared.

The Newcastle United striker's injury has highlighted the shallowness of the English centre-forward pool. At least Owen himself is confident he'll make it for against Paraguay on 10 June. He told The Times: 'There is just one bit of the bone that needs another helping hand and Friday's operation, which went well, should do that… I expect to be playing in four weeks. That leaves plenty of time to get fit.'

Pray that he's right, cause if he's not, England won't win the World Cup. Okay, dangerous prediction – like Alan Hansen saying Man Utd won't win anything with kids – but I'll stand by it.

First in a series of meaningless media soundbites by a cautiously optimistic England player

Wayne Rooney claims he and his teammates will accept nothing less than World Cup victory this summer: 'We have a lot of good players in the squad and we will be disappointed if we don't come back with the World Cup,' said Roo. Doh! Tell us something we don't know Wayne. We thought you might accept going out at the quarter-final stage like previous England squads.

Gerrard: running on empty?

Steven Gerrard, England's very own Duracell bunny, shone in Liverpool's 7-0 demolition of Birmingham last night, although he was substituted after 71 minutes. If he's tired, as Rafael Benitez suggested before the match (see previous post), I'd love to see him after he's quaffed a few Red Bulls and a vat of espresso. What a player. That said, his First Aid skills are not so hot.

Who's a sleepy box-to-box midfield general, then? Ah, bless

Liverpool manager Rafael Benitez is in a sulk over the revised FA Cup-schedule that means he has to play Steven Gerrard for the second time in three days. 'I’m sure you cannot see the best of players like Gerrard and [Jamie] Carragher just three days after another game,' Benitez moaned today. Memo to all Premiership managers: Stop using the wellbeing of the England team as a cunning disguise for your team's troubles. What's the fuss anyway? To paraphrase John 'Isotonic' Barnes, 'After 90 minutes of sheer hell… you're gonna be thirsty'. Put Stevie G on a Lucozade drip after each match, Rafa, and he'll be fine.