Paul Robinson: Don't blame it on the good times, don't blame it on the sunshine, blame it on the pitches

England goalkeeper Paul Robinson blames England's sluggish performances on the dry pitches in Germany: 'I think we are finding the pitches particularly difficult because they are not putting water on them. It's slowing our passing game down. We are finding it hard to get a rhythm.'

Subtext: 'Come on FIFA, it's about time we held the World Cup in Scotland in January. I bet these glove-wearing foreigners wouldn't stand a chance – see how Deco and Ronaldinho cope with a bit of sleet.'